I wonder

I wondered when you sat shotgun

Your fingertips on my forearm.

Your voice in my ears.

Your rhythm in my heartbeat.

My hands cooled my face,

when I was hot and sticky.

You just smiled.

I wondered then, too.

I had no appetite,

But I wanted to swallow you down.

Wanted to taste and feel you

To keep you deep inside of me

Filling me with wonder.

Filling me with hunger.

Then there were goodbyes.

Your poetry between my lips.

Your hands warming my face.

And I wondered then

Because I could feel the tears

Inside of me- where you belong.

I wondered when you were with her.

The frozen seconds of you too on expensive paper,

Brought me those same brown eyes,

That same tangled hair

Except this time- against her.

Tangled in her hair you were in her brown room.

I spit up a smile for you still.

Why is your smile

So overwhelming and all-consuming?

Why is every word of yours

Worth a thousand pictures?

Though I never could say it:

I wonder what that is-

If it’s you, filling me to the brim.

Then so much distance,

Starved and emptied me.

I Spewed out all my pleas.

Please.

I begged you for one sip

I longed for one more bite

You gave me nothing;

So I sustained myself on wonder.

Here we are now.

No pictures. No poetry. No hair or skin. No distance.  

Nothing sacred yields nothing broken.

Your heart and my soul, can’t make any more promises.

Overdosed and underfed by and for- you

I wonder.