If I Knew

I know you, boy.

I’ve held on to all your secrets

So they could safely cross the street.

I know the lines on your palms,

The veins in your feet.

I know your mama’s hair

I know the triggers to your daddy’s yell-

I know everything about you, boy.

I know more than you can tell.

You don’t know my parent’s names,

You dont know my cat’s stripes,              

Or my car’s scratches.

You would not keep my trust, boy

You scattered it like ashes.

You don’t know my sister’s sicknesses

Or my mama’s poverty.

you don’t know I can drive standard.

Boy, you don’t know enough about me.

I know you, boy.

I spit out all your insecurity

Like it was venom beneath your skin.

I know your bedroom here

I know all of the places you have been.

I know the tint of your lips

And the melody mixed in your eyes.

I know the honesty in your vulnerability

I see the truth in your lies.

You don’t know below the surface.

You don’t know my middle name

You’ve never asked about my birthday.

You don’t recognize my tears falling before you –

You don’t know what to say.

You don’t know the dances I take

Nor the cities I have called home.

You don’t know who has shared these blankets and these four posts

On the nights I haven’t spent alone.

I know you, boy.

I can tell aggravation from anger in your voice.

I know sincerity in your exhales.

I know all your past successes,

I know where your future fails.

I know how you look when you’re lying for me.

I know who you wish you were-

And as much as I love him, I know you’ll never be.

You don’t know how I take my coffee.

You don’t know where I keep my change.

You don’t know my handwriting.

You don’t know my body-

At least not in entirety or in proper lighting.

It’s too dark, too excused, for you to tell my eyes are blue.

You don’t know my height or weight.

You don’t know I eat everything with a fork,

You don’t know when I’m angry I brake plates.

You know me, boy.

You carried my heaviest secrets

To help them feel thin.

We skipped all the details-

And skidded out into letting you in.

You know when I’m up and my bedtime

And youre always around to tuck me in.

You know I’d love to know more of you-

But you’ve got places to go and im just somewhere you’ve been.